Stand Up and Be Counted

This was submitted for Take A Break but was declined. What do you think of it?

Mandy didn’t want to look too desperate but she was running out of options. After trying on her entire wardrobe she cringed at the last top she’d found, forgotten, like she wanted part of that night to be.

“So what are you going to do now?” her Mum demanded when she was suddenly made redundant, “You’ve got rent to pay.”

Mandy’s mind had been in a flux, she’d spent the last ten years learning how to be an efficient secretary after her Mum had pushed her into it. It’s true she’d grown bored of it but it paid the bills. Living in a small town during a recession, she’d soon realised there weren’t many jobs out there, let alone well paid ones. Her Mum was right to be concerned; her redundancy pay would only last so long.

“Come on Mandy you need to get out there!” Rachel had insisted after weeks of job hunting had taken their toll, “You need to have a laugh.”

She knew she should be saving every penny but she hadn’t been out in ages and she really wanted a reason to wear the gold glitzy top she’d bought impulsively on ebay. She was sick of fading into the background.

Joking as they danced, Rachel said: “See I told you!”

Mandy grimaced at the memory like it was yesterday. Everyone had commented on her new top and had noticed how light hearted she seemed. That was when it hit her. She hadn’t realised how much her job had dragged her down. She shuddered.

She threw the glitzy top on the bed, feeling dull in comparison, her confidence sagging, and started to apply her foundation. She glanced at the time; the taxi would be there in half an hour.

Ever since Mandy was a little girl she’d always wanted to be centre stage but her lack of confidence had stopped her. After a few drinks though, her alter ego took over.

“Don’t worry, it’s the end of the night, everyone is drunk.” Rachel had said trying to reassure her.

“I can’t believe you talked me into this!” her stomach churned nervously, “I’ll just nip to the toilet again!”

“Don’t be long, you’re on next!”

The host of the comedy club had picked her for the ‘open-mic’ slot after Rachel had volunteered her. Everyone was jeering her on; she couldn’t say no.

As soon as she got on stage everyone laughed and her confidence soared.

Mandy tried to adjust the microphone which resulted in a high pitch screech and made the audience howl. She silently cursed the frizzy haired man that had just introduced her for being inconsiderate. Couldn’t he see she was short? She thought irritably.

As Mandy leaned closer to the mirror wondering how much blusher to put on her pale complexion, her face flushed pink and her hand trembled as she remembered...

The laughter had risen in volume. She looked over to Rachel and her boyfriend Ben trying not to laugh. She felt like she was back in school, tongue tied and awkward. She suddenly sobered up as she caught sight of what everyone was laughing at: a trail of toilet paper hanging from her jeans. She had willed the floor to open and swallow her up. Instead the spotlight shined upon her, centre stage.

“Hey give it up for Mandy, it’s not often someone can come up here and get the audience laughing without saying anything!” Shouted the frizzy haired man as he appeared at her side winking at her, she grimaced gratefully at him.

It turned out the host was called Rob and on closer inspection he didn’t have frizzy hair so much as erratic handsome curls, “Thanks for saving me back there.” she cringed with embarrassment, “My mate put me up to it.” He was so easy to talk to; she ended up telling him about the redundancy and how pressurised she felt by her Mum.

“I used to be really funny when I was younger.” She muttered in her defence.

He smiled in sympathy. “It was funny”, he said as she poked him in the chest. “But how did you manage to get toilet paper stuck to you?”

Her cheeks flushed and she was glad she wasn’t on stage this time, “My Mum always told me to put paper around the seat in public toilets, you know, for hygiene reasons. I’m just not usually so public about it.” she quipped.

Undecided on what to wear she glanced at the gold top on her bed with mixed feelings.

The taxi will be here in five minutes. She thought starting to panic. I bet Mum and Rachel are already there.

“You should wear it”, shouted a muffled voice from behind the towel.

She smiled affectionately at the man with the zany curls as he walked into the bedroom drying off his hair. “It’s your signature outfit after all”, he winked, “Thanks again for letting me use your bathroom by the way; the plumber said mine would be finished tomorrow.”

“No problem, what are mates for?”

Rob had encouraged her to find a job she really loved doing and for the first time in years, she felt alive again.

Her Mum had laughed when she told her what she’d decided to do for a living but once she realised she was serious she was supportive. Her only words of caution were: “Make sure you look into it.”

With Rob’s help that’s what she did and she got a job in the bar at the comedy club. She eyed the gold glitzy top with affection. It had changed her life. She chuckled as she remembered the ‘open mic’ nights at the bar and admired anyone who dared to have a go. For a spilt second when she thought every one was laughing with her, she had felt ecstatic.

Slipping on her heels, adrenaline kicked in and she felt nervous. She examined her reflection in the mirror and smiled. She decided she liked the look, it made her stand out, well, it would when she added an accessory.

“Don’t forget this”, said Rob as he passed her some toilet paper, “It’s your opening line after all”, he winked.

Lifeline

Rebecca thought it was a little fishy when she was requested to appear at the will reading. Why had Granddad remembered her? She thought. She always went begrudgingly to visit him, much preferring to spend her days kayaking. Ironically, it had been her Granddad who had encouraged her to take to the water in the first place. Her parents wondered why she had to be so ‘difficult’ all the time but Rebecca just couldn’t be bothered to decipher the riddles he seemed to enjoy so much and with the onset of hormones she’d grown bored of his sea stories. Most of all, she detested inhaling his second hand smoke. So when the solicitor said she’d inherited the cream woollen cardigan he wrapped around himself like a comfort blanket, it was a bit of a shock. She had at least expected a little cash.

That was three years ago and she was packing her belongings in preparation for University. She couldn’t wait to be free of her parents. Deciding she may take up kayaking again she rummaged in the cupboard for her wetsuit hoping, by some miracle, she would be able to still squeeze into it. Instead, she found the cardigan she had since forgotten curled up in the darkness. With a burgeoning sense to pull it into the light, she slipped it over her head avoiding disturbing the brown buttons that had been fastened so long. The wool which was once filled with his beer belly hung limp. The stench of his cigarettes was replaced with a fusty smell, which wasn’t exactly an improvement. Plunging her hands into the small pockets her fingers rubbed against a damp piece of paper. Most of the writing had grown tired but she could just make out its essence.

Dear Rebecca


... Your eyes came alive as I told you my stories. There is no one else who could understand. My dream...need you to do this...miss it... Scatter ashes. New quay.

A chill crept under the dampened wool as a barrage of thoughts made her reach out for the wall. Three years gone. Ashes already scattered. Why Newquay? His dream?

Typical of Granddad, leaving her a bloody riddle! Thought Rebecca. Despite her grievances with him she found herself feeling distressed as she reread his words, her heart weighing heavy. She knew what it was like to need to reach out to someone.
With her parents away for another week on holiday she grew restless. The cardigan and with it the note stubbornly dominated her mind in company with the guilt. Wishing her father hadn’t lost touch with his brothers so she could speak to them, she impatiently stuffed some clothes into a rucksack along with the cardigan, note and her Credit Card in case she ran out of cash. She hesitated as she stepped onto the bus wondering if she should go back home but a heady mixture of curiosity and guilt spurred her on. Anyway, she reasoned, she had a couple of weeks before starting Uni and it would make the time pass quicker.

Rebecca idly fingered her Grandmother’s silver charm bracelet as the scenery rushed by, taking her further away from familiarity. It’s funny how Granddad had never mentioned going to Newquay, she thought, but then she’d stopped listening.

“Err, this is seat taken?”

Rebecca snapped her head up only to see herself reflected in some mirrored Aviator sunglasses before lowering her eyes to see a cheeky grin facing her.

“Erm, yeh sure, no I mean, it’s not taken.” Flustered, Rebecca swiftly moved her bag from the seat. Most of the aisle and empty seats were crammed with suitcases so she’d hoped the other passengers would be too polite to ask her to move her rucksack. She had wanted to be left alone with her thoughts.

“Hi, I’m Tony.” He said taking off his sunglasses to reveal bright green eyes.

Rebecca looked across at him perplexed for a second. She wasn’t sure whether to encourage conversation or ignore him. Not wanting to appear rude she begrudgingly said hello.

After pleasantries were exchanged she discovered he was on a gap year. As the Skipper’s First Mate he was going to help get a crew together before they sailed out to the Balearic Islands. She envied his freedom and despite her initial hesitation, as her gaze followed the shape of his mouth she began to feel an overwhelming calm - she’d never wanted to listen to someone so much.

“I used to do kayaking.” Feeling stupid she cursed herself, sailing and kayaking where hardly the same!

“Oh really? Well that’s a shame.”

Her creased brow prompted further explanation.

“I only meant that if you’re a true lover of the water, you’d never have abandoned her. I feel like a piece of me is missing if I’m away too long.”

Despite what she thought was a hint of a patronising tone she mused, “I haven’t been in the water since my Granddad di -.”

“Oh, err sorry.” His cheeks flushed a darker shade of pink.

Never having made the connection before; Rebecca’s crimson face turned to the blurred countryside as it flashed by the window. Sensing her distress, Tony kindly held out his hand in comfort which she gratefully accepted.

“Well, just one more train to catch to New Quay and I’m there. Nice to meet you Rebecca, perhaps I will bump into you again sometime”, laughed Tony. Then he added cheekily: “If you get lost you can always find me at the Cardigan Bay Regatta.”

With those words slicing through her as sharp as a razor’s edge, her eyes widened. Her head ducked from her bag to the back of the relative stranger. Of course! Her Granddad couldn’t have given her a clearer clue. Cardigan. It wasn’t Newquay! It was New Quay! As an excited feeling exploded in her throat she ran to the nearest exit hoping Tony hadn’t been in a hurry.

Whilst Rebecca was waiting for her parents to return from holiday, she had tried to understand what had enticed her Granddad to the sea. She’d caught up with Tony and he had insisted she get reacquainted with the water. Then seeing the enthusiasm and sensing the exhilaration of the races at the Cardigan Bay Regatta widened her understanding. She now understood Tony’s words on the train as she rediscovered the passion she had been missing in her life. Tentatively reaching out to her father with the remnants of her Granddad’s riddle, the ice that had distanced her from her parents over the past few years began to slowly thaw.

Granddad had loved women nearly as much as he loved life at sea. Then, on his annual trip to Cardigan Bay to compete in the sailing races he met the woman he wanted to marry. The next year, he did. On their first anniversary he had been buzzing with the excitement of sharing his plans to leave the Navy and deliver elite yachts across the world. It would have felt like a dream come true to him, to have a wife by his side as he sailed along his first love.

Then he saw his wife in the distance with a little surprise in her arms - a three month old baby. His dream was never voiced.

With two other children and a string of redundancies after eventually leaving the Navy due to ill heath, his thirst for the sea had to be quenched with meagre trips to the seaside.

After his wife died he realised his dream would never come true. So he began turning as bitter as his pint.

The memories of sitting on her Granddad’s knee listening to his sea stories in awe of him raced to the forefront of her mind. Tears of overdue grief tore down her cheeks.

She had let him down; his ashes were now part of the earth not the sea. Seeking comfort she pulled the piece of clothing that had been such a part of him to her cheek. Puzzling. Something didn’t add up: why would he have wanted his ashes scattered in a place that held such bittersweet memories for him? And why ask her? She’d been so horrible to him. A day before University began the questions lingered.

“I’ll go get us some hot chocolate; it’s getting a little nippy out here.”

She smiled at the man with the cheeky grin and calming voice. Tony had been so kind to her. With a full crew on board, he had spent all his free time with her. The repressed grief that had restrained her memories and feelings for so long began to unravel out on the open waters with Tony. She felt free.

As the Bay became a blur in the horizon for the last time she reverted back to familiar thoughts. Her Granddad had given her a lifeline to discover what was right for her and for that she would always be grateful. She hadn’t known it was possible to feel so close to someone after they’d passed away.

As the waves swayed her body on the deck she thought of the difficult choices her Granddad had made in life. Now she hoped he would be soon at peace. Clinging to the woollen cardigan she had once rejected, she slipped her Grandmother’s bracelet from her wrist. As she did, she felt the warmth of comforting arms tighten around her as she cast all that was left of her Granddad and his wife out into the beckoning swell of the sea.